Fawlty Towers
According to the Lonely Planet, Fawlty Towers was a documentary and not a comedy. I wouldn't quite place our BnB, Mount Royal, into the Fawlty Towers category. Although, our breakfast waiters did wear white shirts, black trousers and black bowties when serving, a la Manuel. Not Fawlty Towers, but not exactly 5-star accommodation either. We had ridiculously soft beds, flowery wallpaper and no shower units. Just a bath, a tap and a hose. However, one tiny episode was enough to tip Mount Royal's rating to two thumbs up.

On day two, Natalie and I both ordered porridge for breakfast. Porridge is the perfect breakfast on a cold, wet morning. When it was delivered, Natalie asked for some brown sugar to sprinkle on the top of our porridge. Our waiter told us that they didn't have any brown sugar. (What is porridge without it!?!) Natalie asked for and received a pot of honey instead. A passable substitute.

On day three, when we entered the breakfast room, on our table, sitting alongside the usual salt, pepper and butter, was the pot of honey from the day before, and most importantly a small bowl of brown sugar. A small touch but it shows thoughtfulness and care for guests. We all had porridge for breakfast on Monday morning. This one incident of excellent customer service means that I would definitely recommend Mount Royal to friends.

St Michael's Mount
Luckily the bad weather had passed and we were finally able to visit St Michael's Mount, Penzance's most popular attraction. The mount is an island located in Mount's Bay. Its main appeal is that it is a tidal island. An island connected to the mainland by a natural causeway, which is exposed at low tide and submerged at high tide. The most famous tidal island would probably be Mont Saint Michel in France.

The causeway, which leads out to the island, has been paved and is a true yellow brick road. The seaweed lining the causeway and the mossy bricks were the only clues that the pathway is sometimes underwater. While out on the mount, we'd pause every time we passed the entrance to the causeway. We enjoyed watching the tide creep and cover the causeway.

At about 12 when the water had reached calf level, we were surprised to see people still braving the slippery pathway. This meant that the water level was thigh high on some of the kids. One woman who'd made the risky crossing was complaining of numb feet. Not really a surprising result after wading in freezing water for a few hundreds metres. Silly people.

On the top of the mount is a castle, which is the official residence of Lord St Levan. We climbed the steep path to the top and toured the castle with hundreds (seemed like millions) of other people. There is a guided path through the castle directing you through the living rooms, dining room, smoking room, chapel and bedrooms. Once again, the castle was much bigger on the inside than it looked from the outside.

After exploring the castle, we headed back down the hill and around to the castle gardens. They were very colourful and beautifully maintained. The best thing about them though was the fact that they were protected from the blustery wind we'd endured on the other side of the island. The sun was shining too. It made the gardens a very enjoyable place to be.

The causeway was impassable for our return trip so we had to catch a boat back to the mainland. They have a small fleet of dinghies, which they use to taxi people to and from Marizon. They have more than enough dinghies. No sooner had one dinghy left the dock the next would arrive. The fee for crossing was £1.50 per person and 70p for kids or sheep.


Cream Tea
During the course of the weekend we'd managed to try two Cornish favourites: Cornish Pasties and Cornish Ice-cream. Actually we'd consumed these at every available opportunity. We had one last item to check off our epicurean list, a Cornish tea or cream tea. (All of the tea places we came across called it a cream tea. The Australian term for cream tea is Devonshire tea. Of course, in Cornwall, calling it a Devonshire tea is a big no-no. Devon is the county adjacent to Cornwall. It would be like calling VB - New South Wales bitter.)

A cream tea is afternoon or morning tea, consisting of a pot of tea, scones, clotted cream and jam. In Cornwall, cream tea is served with Cornish clotted cream which is supposedly thicker, richer and more buttery than normal clotted cream.

With our train due to depart at 4pm, we decided to make cream tea our priority for the afternoon. We located a "Victorian" teahouse n the "CBD" of Penzance and ordered four and a half cream teas. Our afternoon snack was decadent, especially considering we'd only completed lunch an hour or so before. We all felt slightly sick afterwards. No small wonder, as we'd all smothered a thick layer of jam and then clotted cream on to fluffy scones.

While at the teahouse we experienced the typical British style of customer service. We pretty much knew what we were going to order when we sat down. After waiting for 10-minutes or so I finally managed to catch the attention of our waitress, a teenage girl dressed in a Victorian apron and cap. When I asked if we could order, her reply was a belligerent "Yeah!" (sounds like, "why are you bothering me?") We ordered and our cream teas were delivered quite quickly. However, we weren't provided with cups or cutlery. When Natalie asked if we could have cups, our waitress replied with a belligerent "Yeah!" (sounds like, "do you think I'm here to serve you or something?") Cups were then delivered to our table, but not enough for everybody. By this stage, we were slightly afraid of our waitress and we resorted to stealing crockery off the surrounding tables. Suffice to say we didn't leave a tip. You can tell we're used to British customer service when this experience made us giggle rather than grr. Only in England!


That's it for pirating and pillaging in Penzance. Still wondering about those acronyms? Here are the answers: AMH - Ahoy me hearties, AMM - Ahoy me maties, WTP - Walk the plank, YHHAABOR - Yohoho and a bottle of rum, SMT - Shiver me timbers, POE - Pieces of Eight. I expect IM conversation sprinkled with these acronyms next time you chat to me on MSN.

Eden Project
The typical bank holiday weather was still present when we awoke on Sunday morning so we decided to schedule something indoorsy for the day. We chose the Eden Project.

The Eden Project is an environmental project, which aims to educate the public about our relationship with, and dependence on, plants. The main attractions at the project are three biomes, two indoor biomes and an outdoor biome. (Biome -- a complex biotic community characterized by distinctive plant and animal species and maintained under the climatic conditions of the region.) One indoor biome represents the tropics, and is kept at tropical temperatures. The other indoor biome is the warm temperate biome and represents regions like the Mediterranean. The outdoor biome represents the temperate regions of the earth, like England.

The indoor biomes are massive greenhouses made up of hexagonal pieces of EFTE foil (very strong glad wrap / cling wrap). They are quite striking and very futuristic looking. Andrew thought they looked like something out of Jurassic Park. I expect we'll be living in them in the future (when global warming destroys the environment!).

The Tropics biome was definitely the most popular of the three. It certainly was very warm in there. The path through the biome winds its way upward. The higher you go, the hotter it gets. At the top the temperature was around 35 degrees with 100% humidity. Not exactly a comfortable experience when you're dressed for the 10 degree temperatures out in the real world. I was stripping off the layers as we wandered through. We all had issues with the humidity. The condensation on the camera lens made it quite difficult to take photos.

Obviously, the focus of the Eden Project is the environment. To that end, the Eden Project is a very Green project. They recycle as much waste as possible and ask all visitors to sort their own rubbish and put it into 5 different garbage bins. They use recycled rainwater to flush toilets and to create the humid conditions in the Tropics biome. The electricity used by the project is generated by wind turbines in Cornwall. In fact, the whole attraction is on the site of disused clay mine. A venture that destroyed the local environment turned into one designed to save the world's environment.

As with all tourist attractions we've visited in England, the place was packed. We moved at a snail's pace through the tropics biome. Also, I've been to a real rainforest, so it wasn't exactly all that exciting to visit a mini-version. However, it was a good activity for a rainy day, and I can see that it would be a great place to take your kids. And most importantly, the environment is very valuable so a big pat on the back for the Eden Project and their conservation work.

(The cynic in me thinks that the current prominence of environmental issues is just a case of "I support whatever's trendy." An election is coming up in Australia and all of sudden Howard is talking about a Carbon emissions trading scheme. What about the Kyoto protocol? And what about carbon-off setting programmes? Can someone quantify the benefits for the environment? It all sounds very vague and airy-fairy.)


St Mawes
The weather was still atrocious, so we opted for another indoor activity. We headed to St Mawes Castle which is located in the town of St Mawes. The castle was built in the 1500s by King Henry and it is one of the finest remaining examples of Tudor military architecture. An audio guide was provided free with the price of admission. However, I soon gave up on the audio guide. I think I just wasn't in the mood to listen to a "salty old seadog" describe each room in explicit detail. I wandered from room to room, only choosing to listen to the audio guide in the rooms that I was interested in.

The castle was much bigger on than inside that it looked from the outside. Yoshida san (our Himeji castle tour guide) had explained that this was a defence strategy. Once invaders were in the castle, they would become lost and confused. Although, I'm sure there was a different overall strategy at Himejijo to St Mawes. At Himejijo, the guards had one purpose once the main fort was breached. They were to buy enough time so that Himeji's warlord could commit suicide and die honourably.


The Bay
We headed to The Bay that evening for a celebratory dinner in honour of Juzzy's Birthday. The Bay was slightly fancier than our venue the evening before. Good food, good service but it didn't have the personal touches that The Navy Inn had had the evening before. The Navy Inn is still my pick for Penzance.

Minack Theatre
The Minack Theatre is an open-air theatre perched on a cliff face overlooking the sea. Every year from June to September theatre companies from all over England put on productions at the theatre. We had hoped to see a play there, but unfortunately our trip coincided with a break in the season. It would be wonderful to watch a play at the Minack Theatre. No need for the set designer to build sets, nature has already provided a wonderful backdrop.

The theatre is divided into two seating areas. There is a grass area on one side and a series of granite seats on the other side. Each granite seat is decorated with the name of a play and the year that it was performed at Minack. I wonder if they use these as a seating reference. Maybe you're directed to sit in Midsummer Night's Dream 1968. Although the granite seats are an attractive and commemorative addition to the theatre, they aren't exactly comfortable to sit on. I can't imagine spending a couple of hours perched on a hard slab of rock. I think it would be a case of BYOC (bring your own cushion).

Juzzy and Ernie had joined in the Pirates theming for the weekend and brought their own props along. At the theatre, they donned pirate hats, bandannas and sashes. They had even brought along their own swords which made clanging sword sound effects (Pirates of the Caribbean merchandise). Juzzy and Ernie treated us to a bit of a sword play. I was surprised that that neither of them used Bonetti's defence. I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain. (*G* anyone? anyone?)

The garden at Minack is beautifully maintained. There were lots of flowers in the garden that I'd never seen before. I really liked one interesting flower that was a deep red colour, almost black. It kind of looked like a cabbage. Does anyone know what it is?


Land's End
Land's End, a headland on the Penwith Peninsula, is the most westerly point in England. We are check-list tourists so visiting the most westerly, northerly, easterly and southerly points of countries is something we like to do. (We've both done the most easterly point in Australia. Andrew has done the most southerly point too.)

It was a sign of the tackiness to come, when we had to pay to park in the parking lot at Land's End. Tourist attractions worth visiting do not usually charge you to park. The whole place has a bit of a Darling Harbour / Big Merino / Fake Ayers Rock feel about it. Wikipedia calls Land's End a theme park but I think that's a generous description. I don't think a couple of simulators, a Dr Who exhibit and a few gift shops qualifies.

A number of attractions we've visited have a "how many miles to..." sign post. These signs display the distance between the attraction and some of the world's major cities. We always like finding Sydney because it's one of the furthest cities from most of the attractions in Europe. (Although Wellington and sometimes Melbourne usually make a showing. They are both further than Sydney... it's not a competition right!).

We were disappointed to discover that the sign-post at Land's End is a profit-making venture. The post is behind a fence and has just one sign which can be customised for different locations. You have to pay a man £10 for your photo to be taken with you standing next to the post with your location and distance on the sign. It was a bit of a rort.

A visit to Land's End is not really worthwhile. Unless, like us, you want to tick "Most westerly point of England" off your list. Of course, we also tossed a Frisbee round for a bit while we were there. Just so we can say that we've played ultimate at the most westerly point in England (Andrew is the dag, not me!)


St Ives
We headed to St Ives next, via St Just and a Cornish pasty. I tried a cheese and veggie Cornish pasty. It was filled with cheese, potato and sweet potato. It's a Jason Crane version of a veggie pasty. Personally I think peas and carrots would be a welcome addition. Although, I must admit it was my favourite pasty of the weekend.

St Ives is a beachside town on the northern side of the Cornish peninsula. Their tourist website boasts subtropical temperatures all year round. However, the weather was decidedly chilly and grey during our visit. (Brisbane has subtropical temperatures. I think St Ives may be stretching the definition.)

Natalie and Juzzy were impressed with the white sand on at Porthmeor beach. Certainly it is nicer to sit on sand than a typical rocky, pebbly surface of an English beach. (We're yet to visit a typical English beach.) Although, with the freezing water temperature, I don't think I'd be doing much swimming or lying on the beach. If you can't do either of these, sand is just an annoying something that gets in crevices *G*.


Navy Inn
Our chosen dinner venue for the evening was all booked out, so we picked The Navy Inn from the Good Food in Cornwall Guide as a replacement. What a serendipitous find! It was one of the best restaurants I've been to in England.

The service was impeccable. We were greeted by a very cheery barman who supplied us with drinks and directed us to a cosy table in the corner. The wait staff were attentive, informative and happy. It really makes a difference when your waitress gives the impression that she actually enjoys her job and that she's happy to be help you out.

The menu was varied with a focus on seafood, which is fitting considering Penzance's proximity to the sea. I was extremely happy with my meal selection for the evening. I shared an entrÉ of fishcake with Natalie. For my mains I tried the fish pie. The pie came with a "crust" of potato and cheese. It was delicious. By the time we hit dessert, we were all stuffed. However, we decided to share the recommended mango mousse.

Great service, great food and all for a reasonable price. Dinner worked out at about £25 per head, which included two (and a bit) courses and drinks. The Navy Inn is highly recommended. It's a must-dine if you're ever in that part of Cornwall.

The Navy Inn falls under the gastropub classification. Gastropub, that's what the Brits call pubs that serve food. I think it brings a completely different definition to mind.


Kerplunk
Apparently bank holidays are typically wet and windy in the UK. True to form, the weather forecasts that morning had warned of downpours and cooler temperatures. While we were at dinner the Bank Holiday weather finally hit. On our walk home, we ducked into a pub when it started to rain heavily (or as a Brit would say "it started to lash down"). We waited out the weather and amused ourselves in the pub's games room. While Juzzy schooled Andrew in foosball, Ernie, Natalie and I had a round of Hungry Hungry Hippo football followed by a round of Kerplunk. (Ernie was the victor at kerplunk. I demand a rematch!) I wish all pubs had a similar games room kit out.

Ahoy land lubbers, we have returned to port! Shall I stop talking like a pirate? Yes, I think that's a good idea.

We have returned from our bank holiday adventure in Penzance. We actually arrived home late on Monday. I apologise for the lack of updates. Unfortunately I picked up a dreaded lurgie while away. I haven't done much for the past couple of days except sit on the couch, watch Gilmore Girls and feel sorry for myself. I'm back at work today and feeling slightly better. I will try to update FM with our piratey adventures over the next few days.

In the meantime, here are some useful Pirate speak acronyms you can use in your MSN conversations. Can you guess what they are? AMH -- AMM -- WTP -- YHHAABOR -- SMT -- POE

When we get into the spirit of things, we REALLY get into the spirit of things. Natalie and I had discussed baking goodies for our weekend away (a conversation inspired by the YoYos I baked for the Easter weekend). We decided to make gingerbread men using a batch of frozen dough in Natalie's fridge. This developed into an idea to create Pirate gingerbread men to mark our weekend in Penzance.

So the other night, Natalie and I made Pirate gingerbread men. We used a normal gingerbread man cookie cutter to cut the men out of the dough. Before they went into the oven Natalie amputated a leg and fashioned a peg leg out of the excess dough and I stuck on one currant eye. After they were baked we iced the men adding eye patches, gold earrings, pirate vests and striped pantaloons.

Pirate gingerbread men. "Much more better" than plain old boring gingerbread men.