Fawlty Towers
According to the Lonely Planet, Fawlty Towers was a documentary and not a comedy. I wouldn't quite place our BnB, Mount Royal, into the Fawlty Towers category. Although, our breakfast waiters did wear white shirts, black trousers and black bowties when serving, a la Manuel. Not Fawlty Towers, but not exactly 5-star accommodation either. We had ridiculously soft beds, flowery wallpaper and no shower units. Just a bath, a tap and a hose. However, one tiny episode was enough to tip Mount Royal's rating to two thumbs up.

On day two, Natalie and I both ordered porridge for breakfast. Porridge is the perfect breakfast on a cold, wet morning. When it was delivered, Natalie asked for some brown sugar to sprinkle on the top of our porridge. Our waiter told us that they didn't have any brown sugar. (What is porridge without it!?!) Natalie asked for and received a pot of honey instead. A passable substitute.

On day three, when we entered the breakfast room, on our table, sitting alongside the usual salt, pepper and butter, was the pot of honey from the day before, and most importantly a small bowl of brown sugar. A small touch but it shows thoughtfulness and care for guests. We all had porridge for breakfast on Monday morning. This one incident of excellent customer service means that I would definitely recommend Mount Royal to friends.

St Michael's Mount
Luckily the bad weather had passed and we were finally able to visit St Michael's Mount, Penzance's most popular attraction. The mount is an island located in Mount's Bay. Its main appeal is that it is a tidal island. An island connected to the mainland by a natural causeway, which is exposed at low tide and submerged at high tide. The most famous tidal island would probably be Mont Saint Michel in France.

The causeway, which leads out to the island, has been paved and is a true yellow brick road. The seaweed lining the causeway and the mossy bricks were the only clues that the pathway is sometimes underwater. While out on the mount, we'd pause every time we passed the entrance to the causeway. We enjoyed watching the tide creep and cover the causeway.

At about 12 when the water had reached calf level, we were surprised to see people still braving the slippery pathway. This meant that the water level was thigh high on some of the kids. One woman who'd made the risky crossing was complaining of numb feet. Not really a surprising result after wading in freezing water for a few hundreds metres. Silly people.

On the top of the mount is a castle, which is the official residence of Lord St Levan. We climbed the steep path to the top and toured the castle with hundreds (seemed like millions) of other people. There is a guided path through the castle directing you through the living rooms, dining room, smoking room, chapel and bedrooms. Once again, the castle was much bigger on the inside than it looked from the outside.

After exploring the castle, we headed back down the hill and around to the castle gardens. They were very colourful and beautifully maintained. The best thing about them though was the fact that they were protected from the blustery wind we'd endured on the other side of the island. The sun was shining too. It made the gardens a very enjoyable place to be.

The causeway was impassable for our return trip so we had to catch a boat back to the mainland. They have a small fleet of dinghies, which they use to taxi people to and from Marizon. They have more than enough dinghies. No sooner had one dinghy left the dock the next would arrive. The fee for crossing was £1.50 per person and 70p for kids or sheep.


Cream Tea
During the course of the weekend we'd managed to try two Cornish favourites: Cornish Pasties and Cornish Ice-cream. Actually we'd consumed these at every available opportunity. We had one last item to check off our epicurean list, a Cornish tea or cream tea. (All of the tea places we came across called it a cream tea. The Australian term for cream tea is Devonshire tea. Of course, in Cornwall, calling it a Devonshire tea is a big no-no. Devon is the county adjacent to Cornwall. It would be like calling VB - New South Wales bitter.)

A cream tea is afternoon or morning tea, consisting of a pot of tea, scones, clotted cream and jam. In Cornwall, cream tea is served with Cornish clotted cream which is supposedly thicker, richer and more buttery than normal clotted cream.

With our train due to depart at 4pm, we decided to make cream tea our priority for the afternoon. We located a "Victorian" teahouse n the "CBD" of Penzance and ordered four and a half cream teas. Our afternoon snack was decadent, especially considering we'd only completed lunch an hour or so before. We all felt slightly sick afterwards. No small wonder, as we'd all smothered a thick layer of jam and then clotted cream on to fluffy scones.

While at the teahouse we experienced the typical British style of customer service. We pretty much knew what we were going to order when we sat down. After waiting for 10-minutes or so I finally managed to catch the attention of our waitress, a teenage girl dressed in a Victorian apron and cap. When I asked if we could order, her reply was a belligerent "Yeah!" (sounds like, "why are you bothering me?") We ordered and our cream teas were delivered quite quickly. However, we weren't provided with cups or cutlery. When Natalie asked if we could have cups, our waitress replied with a belligerent "Yeah!" (sounds like, "do you think I'm here to serve you or something?") Cups were then delivered to our table, but not enough for everybody. By this stage, we were slightly afraid of our waitress and we resorted to stealing crockery off the surrounding tables. Suffice to say we didn't leave a tip. You can tell we're used to British customer service when this experience made us giggle rather than grr. Only in England!


That's it for pirating and pillaging in Penzance. Still wondering about those acronyms? Here are the answers: AMH - Ahoy me hearties, AMM - Ahoy me maties, WTP - Walk the plank, YHHAABOR - Yohoho and a bottle of rum, SMT - Shiver me timbers, POE - Pieces of Eight. I expect IM conversation sprinkled with these acronyms next time you chat to me on MSN.